The Decision to Switch Paths

I think the feeling of being torn between the multitude of life paths, possibilities, decisions and the limitless potential we have at the young and uncertain age of 18 is something many can relate to. But particularly those of my generation. The influences of culture, technology, and economic development have reshaped our perception of choice. Individualism propels our notion of building one’s life, which is only amplified by the infinite possibilities of lifestyles and identities presented on social media.

I’ve always been interested in the arts; I’ve always thought of myself as a creative person, hence why I chose to study Music Composition, taken an interest in photography, and watch about 5-8 movies every month (the movie theater being my happy place). But there is another side of me —  I’ve suppose I've always been an academic person as well. I did pretty well throughout my IB years, ended up with a 43 out of 45 with excellence and merit awards in Math and Psychology. But something has always felt not quite right. Soon after my graduation, I fell into a strange, heavy yet hard-to-notice sense of anxiety. Being from the southern hemisphere, I graduated back in November, giving me plenty of time to reflect on my life paths and trajectory before the start of university. My later teenage years from 15-18 have felt like I’ve had a foot in two distinct boats — one belonging to the art world, and one belonging to the academic “STEM” world. My high school advisor back home would say things like: “Oh right, Music, sometimes I forget you’ve got that whole side as well” This was a recipe for an identity crisis, and also resulted in a crisis of time management. How was I going to live my life in two separate fields? 

Now the time has come where I am really in college, and things just began to fall apart. I began to fall out of love with Music. In music education, the etiology is so often neurotic and rigid. And although I am interested in some aspects of my CS classes, I realized that perhaps it is not for me. But I did not grieve this. Instead it felt like a new chapter in my life. I was scared, but I was excited. 

I’ve made two decisions since then. One was that from now on every decision is mine to make, and I will try not to let others or any sort of expectations limit me. The second was that I don’t want to have my feet plunged in two separate boats anymore. I don’t want to have a double life in majors, in career, and most of all for the rest of my life. The truth is that I can have both. Something dynamic, something flexible and room for creativity. I think for me, the right next step is exploring my options in Business marketing. I think that marketing analyst, advertisement, creative direction, and art direction are fields I can go into, where I can combine my scattered interests, my divided life into a singular focused passion to make something of myself that I can be proud of and happy in. I’m now moving towards this with confidence.